Friday, November 26, 2010
Where has the time gone....
I can't believe the last post was Halloween. I have thought about blogging many times but just never found time to do it. Now I am not sure where to begin.
It was Oct 5 that dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given an estimate of 365 days for survival - we were devastated but hopeful that we could take advantage of this time to spend with him. 22 days later, he was hospitalized and 22 days he passed away peacefully. I miss you dad.
My November was spent studying for my life license and going to the hospital as much as possible to visit dad. He wanted so much to get out but because of the tumours he couldn't eat and then contracted pneumonia. I can't believe the strength my dad had for losing so much weight and not being able to eat - he is a fighter. We spent his last 4 days with us together as a family at the hospital - it was so difficult as they kept telling us he wouldn't make it to the end of the day and he kept hanging on. The wonderful thing about it was the time we got to spend together as a family which does not happen normally as we are all so busy. Mom said it is like camping - 6 of us in 1 small room. Dad must have saved all his strength for his last night as he opened his eyes and communicated by lifting his eyebrows for almost 2 hours while we played Elvis music and shared memories. The next morning he opened his eyes one last time to ensure we were all there and slowly faded away on us. We were able to fulfill his last wish of not dying alone.
I am not sure if I have really dealt with it all or not. It amazes me how now being back at work, it somehow feels like it never happened. I know there are many emotions and bad days that I will continue to deal with and that is what family is for.
I am not real sure how much the kids understand. It seems that Carter does, as he asked if grandpa is ever coming back and I said no but he told me that we could talk to him anytime we wanted (just like I told him awhile ago). But yet he asked my mom the other day where grandpa was going to sit for supper. I feel very much like him - confused and hard to believe it is real. Cohen definitely knows who grandpa is as he favored him for sure but not sure if he will remember in time - that is what photos and my keeping his memory alive by telling stories will provide.
I hope you find comfort and no pain now dad - I love you! Please take care of us from up there!
It was Oct 5 that dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given an estimate of 365 days for survival - we were devastated but hopeful that we could take advantage of this time to spend with him. 22 days later, he was hospitalized and 22 days he passed away peacefully. I miss you dad.
My November was spent studying for my life license and going to the hospital as much as possible to visit dad. He wanted so much to get out but because of the tumours he couldn't eat and then contracted pneumonia. I can't believe the strength my dad had for losing so much weight and not being able to eat - he is a fighter. We spent his last 4 days with us together as a family at the hospital - it was so difficult as they kept telling us he wouldn't make it to the end of the day and he kept hanging on. The wonderful thing about it was the time we got to spend together as a family which does not happen normally as we are all so busy. Mom said it is like camping - 6 of us in 1 small room. Dad must have saved all his strength for his last night as he opened his eyes and communicated by lifting his eyebrows for almost 2 hours while we played Elvis music and shared memories. The next morning he opened his eyes one last time to ensure we were all there and slowly faded away on us. We were able to fulfill his last wish of not dying alone.
I am not sure if I have really dealt with it all or not. It amazes me how now being back at work, it somehow feels like it never happened. I know there are many emotions and bad days that I will continue to deal with and that is what family is for.
I am not real sure how much the kids understand. It seems that Carter does, as he asked if grandpa is ever coming back and I said no but he told me that we could talk to him anytime we wanted (just like I told him awhile ago). But yet he asked my mom the other day where grandpa was going to sit for supper. I feel very much like him - confused and hard to believe it is real. Cohen definitely knows who grandpa is as he favored him for sure but not sure if he will remember in time - that is what photos and my keeping his memory alive by telling stories will provide.
I hope you find comfort and no pain now dad - I love you! Please take care of us from up there!
# posted by Miller Moments @ 2:53 PM 
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